So at the last update, our Hero had been tortured and thrown into a hole to be eaten by rats. But some of the Chippendales turned up and rescued him. This took about three paragraphs and all my, 'but how did they manage that?' questions got hand-waved away. I'm assuming they're just that good.
Anyway, it's time to return to Moonlight's checklist. Are we going to tick everything off? I do believe we are.
Moonlight Reader's How To Tell If You're In A Highland Guard Novel
There will be some insurmountable obstacle that makes your marriage to the Hero impossible. Check (being the daughter of the Hero’s sworn enemy is pretty insurmountable. Plus he told you he was going to kill him. That is NOT going to put him in your good books). Nonetheless, it will be surmounted. Check. (Ahh, he didn't kill your Dad after all; just gave him a ticking off and sent him away.)
You will be exceptionally fertile, and will give birth precisely two books in the future. Check. (She's already pregnant, but does this mean I still have to read book 5?) Your husband will be exceptionally faithful, in spite of the hotness and the muscles. Check. He will be mocked by the unmarried members of the Highland Guard for this faithfulness. Check.
The one who mocks him the most is the one who will fall in love next. (OK, so that’ll be the moody bugger who glowers a lot)
You will live happily ever after in a drafty castle in medieval Scotland. Check. (How fortunate that the castle your Dad was kicked out of is now available, and judging by the amount of baths people were taking in there, it appears to have central heating and hot and cold running water - seriously, I think Ms McCarty’s image of a medieval Scottish castle is probably very far removed from the reality).
Hoo boy! Romance is definitely not my genre, but this was actually a lot of fun. I mean, yeah it seemed as if they all stood around in their undercrackers while flexing their muscles, but at least there was no risible attempt at Scottish dialect (looking at you Ms Gabaldon). And there were some anachronisms, and the author plays a bit fast and loose with Scottish history, but hey, I didn't read this to be educated, I read it to be entertained. And entertained I most certainly was.
Now if someone could recommend me a book for the 'Arrgh Pirates' square, I'd be very grateful.